Do You Have a Minute to Talk?
How do you feel about confrontation? "I hope I get to confront someone today!"—said no one ever. Many people dislike or even fear confrontation, and I can’t say it is my favoring thing either. So why does God command us in Matthew 18:15-20 to confront those who offend us? In my experience, while confrontation is difficult, it’s often the quickest path to resolution and helps prevent further harm to others.
Confronting others hasn’t always been easy for me. Growing up, I was very shy and avoided confrontation. The turning point came in college, after my mother was diagnosed with melanoma. It was a difficult time that changed her outlook on life. She told me, “Life’s too short to hide how you feel or put off what you want to do.” Not long after, my parents surprised me by buying their first Harley Davidson motorcycle, which really drove her message home. Inspired by her words, I made a conscious effort to express my feelings. I didn’t suddenly become blunt or rude, but I did push myself to share positive thoughts. For instance, I once complimented someone’s outfit, which was a huge step for an introvert like me! Over time, I realized that confrontation is simply expressing how you feel about what someone said or did—and I slowly became more comfortable doing just that.
I remember my first time initiating a confrontation—it was with my college suitemate over something trivial, though I don’t recall exactly what. What I do remember is feeling nauseated and shaky as I asked her, “Do you have a minute to talk?” While I can’t recall the details, I do remember that the issue was just a misunderstanding, and the conversation actually strengthened our friendship. It wasn’t easy walking into that room asking to speak with her, but the same things that motivated me then motivate me today. First, in Matthew 18:15, God commands us to confront those who offend us; and because He loves us, His commands are always for our good. Second, in Matthew 18:20, God assures us that when two or three are gathered in His name, He is there. This means that God will be with me if I go into confrontation for the right reasons with a heart for true reconciliation, rather than with selfish desires. Keeping God at the center of conflict is essential, and it’s comforting to know He is with us, even in uncomfortable situations. Though I still don’t enjoy confrontation, knowing it aligns with God’s will and that He is with me gives me the strength to address issues when needed. Not every confrontation ends perfectly, but it always helps. In fact, I’ve found that most conflicts are the result of simple miscommunication, easily resolved through honest conversation, which is why confrontation is needed.
Confrontation prevents unnecessary pain. Our natural tendency is to share how someone offended us, seeking sympathy and putting the offender down—but this is gossip, and it’s wrong (Ephesians 4:29). Have you ever discovered the issue was a misunderstanding and then had to backtrack with everyone you gossiped to? I have, and it’s not fun. Confrontation could have spared me that embarrassment and the pain I caused others. Instead, I not only hurt the person I talked about, but also their loved ones, embarrassed myself, and disappointed God. All of this could have been avoided if I had followed God’s way and addressed the person directly.
Whether it’s with a student, parent, friend, or coworker, confrontation is essential for resolving problems and preventing unnecessary hurt. Although it’s not easy, it is both necessary and commanded by God. Approaching confrontation with honesty, humility, and a heart for reconciliation strengthens relationships and promotes clearer communication. Rather than spreading gossip, we should address offenses directly, trusting that God will guide and be with us every step of the way.
